the time i almost lost the ability to have children

This is the tragic tale of the time I almost lost the ability to have children. A heartbreaking yet hilarious tale that I am now prepared to share. Brace yourselves.

During the fall semester of last school year, all the athletes were required to go to study hall. A magical land where no cell phones, no music, no nothing except homework was acceptable. So me, being the studious student-athlete that I am, was in this magical land late at night. When it was time for me to leave and go back to the real world, it was dark out. Not a problem. I knew where I was going. Because you know, muscle memory and stuff. Or something like that.

So off I went in the direction I needed to go. I was minding my own business, texting. I was texting and walking. And for those of you who know me, mainly my mother, multitasking is not my strongest quality. Especially when I try to combine walking and texting. When people say don't text and drive, listen. And I think this could be applied to walking also. Don't text and walk people. By doing this you could save lives.

So as the story goes, I was walking and texting along the road/sidewalk when BAM!!!!!! My general crotch region ran right into a waist high pole. You know how in cartoons when the person runs into a pole and all four of their limbs keep going but their body is flattened by whatever it is they just so happened to cross paths with? Well that's exactly what happened. My books, phone, and water bottle that I was carrying in my arms went flying, and I bent over that pole because it was stuck right where my "goods" were. Oh sweet mother of mercy, I thought. The pain was agony! Am I dying? Is it the second coming? DONT GO INTO THE BRIGHT LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. Okay yes I'm a little dramatic, but believe me when I tell you this hurt like a mother. I just stood there for the next few seconds, curled over, cradling the spot that I thought for sure was broken (if you can break that part of your body). 

When the pain finally subsided enough for me to stand up straight, I slowly started moving to gather my strewn items. Then it hit me (not physically like that pole did but emotionally). I burst out laughing uncontrollably. Did that really just happen to me? And was I really all by myself? No one saw how ridiculous that just was. And I was kind of bummed about it haha (literally). I turned to look at that pole one more time and continued to giggle as I went on my way. 

And that, my friends, is the time I almost lost the ability to have children. If I was a dude, no doubt I would be ruined. This day can now go down in history as one of the most ridiculously hilarious moments I had with myself. And lesson learned? If you're going to do something embarrassing and potentially detrimental to your future posterity, make sure to bring a friend along to laugh with you. 

The end.