i miss // for G-money

I miss you always checking up on me, sending me a random text in the middle of the day when you knew I was busy and stressed just to tell me you were thinking about me.

I miss playing UNO with you and making you so mad because I always kicked your butt.

I miss going on drives with you and listening to Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber. We didn't have to talk about anything. Just drive and rock out and enjoy each other.

I miss having you play with my hair and throw a legit fit when I threatened to cut it.

I miss going on walks around the river, talking about the most random stuff like how our brains work or what we ate for lunch.

I miss making you watch Pretty Little Liars with me (even though we both know you liked it).

I miss the sound of your voice and your sweet contagious giggle. I miss making you laugh. I miss knowing exactly what to say to make you curl over with tears streaming down your face because it was just THAT funny.

I miss having deep conversations with you and my parents. I miss having you come over and sitting and talking to my mom like the whole time haha. You were just as good of friends with my parents as you were with me!

I miss the way I'd catch you looking at me if we were in a big group of people. You always had to let me know in some way that you took notice of me.

**********
It's been six whole months. Six whole months without my best friend. Six months without texting, facetiming, calling. Six months without knowing you were only 2000 miles away instead of 4000.

We've made it six whole months.

**********
I'm so happy that you are in Peru

I'm so happy that you love it there and consider it home.

I'm so proud of how hard you are working and how much you love every experience. You're always positive and you always find the good in everything and everyone.

I love that your emails go back and forth between spanish and english. And I especially love that your spelling is absolutely atrocious haha.

I love that you know what's important. And I love that you are striving to be as obedient as possible.

**********
You're a stud of a missionary, Gabriel Eli. I miss you lots but six months was easy.

The next six months will be even easier, and the next six after that will fly by, and the next six will be here and before we both know it, you'll be back.

what we want

We all think we know what we want in this world. We all have some kind of idea of the ideal life. We want to be liked and well known, successful and well off, loved by that perfect person. We think we know what's going to make us happy. We think we know ourselves. The reality of it all, however, is that we know nothing. Because of that, we never commit to anything or anyone. We cut ourselves off at the first sign of a hiccup or challenge. We run away and avoid the reality of our situation because it's easier that way. And even if we do choose--if we commit--we are still one eye wandering at the options. We want the beautiful cut of filet mingon, but we're too busy eyeing the mediocre buffet, because choice.

Because choice.

Our choices are killing us. We think choice means something. We think opportunity is good. We think the more chances we have, the better. But, it makes everything watered-down. Never mind actually feeling satisfied, we don't even understand what satisfaction looks like, sounds like, feels like. We're one foot out the door, because outside that door is more. We don't see who's right in front of our eyes asking to be loved, because no one is asking to be loved. We long for something that we still want to believe exists. Yet, we are looking for the next thrill, the next jolt of excitement, the next instant gratification.

There are always tantalizing options.

We see the world as one big limitless opportunity. We open up pinterest and instagram and see the things we think we want. The adventurous lives of others, the places we could travel to, the people we wish we were dating. We bombard ourselves with stimuli and we wonder why we're so unsatisfied all the time. We wonder why nothing lasts and why everything feels a little hopeless. We have no idea how to see our lives for what they are, instead of what they aren't.

Commitment.

If we do find it, that person we love with everything we have, a career path we are absolutely certain about, some kind of achievement. We flaunt it. We put it on instagram, facebook, the brag board at the gym. We make it seem shiny and perfect because what we choose to share is the highlight reel. No one ever sees the blood, sweat, and tears that have pushed us to where we found our success. We don't brag about all the hard times. We don't show off the battle scars.

We want people to see the perfect results, not the imperfect process.

Then we see the other shiny accomplishments of others and we compare. We are the choice culture, the comparison generation. Always measuring up. Always evaluating our worth. Are we good enough? Never before have we had so many ways to mark what it looks like to live the best possible life. We input and overload and soon find ourselves in despair. We'll never be good enough, because what we're trying to measure up to just does not exist.

Yet that's what we think we want.

And we drive ourselves crazy with the ideas of it all.

So we break up. Give up. On to the next. Searching for the elusive "more" because what we have just isn't good enough. We move on to whatever is next in line. The next fix. The next gratification. Comparing. The inevitable creeping in of subtle dissatisfaction.

We worry about settling, all the while making ourselves suffer thinking that anything less than the shiny, happy, filtered life we've been accustomed to is settling.

What even is settling, anyways?

If it's not glamorous, it's settling. If it's not instagram worthy, it's settling.

If it's not perfect, it's settling.

**********

It takes a lot to realize that the "more" we want is all a lie. What we truly want is simplicity and ease. We want a life that does not need the validation of likes, comments, re-pins. We may not know that we want this yet, but we do.

I do.

I want connection, true connection. I want real people in my life. People who aren't distracted by choice. I want more than just the surface of things. I want to dive 100 feet deep into everything I do, everyone I love.

I want pure satisfaction.

I want to lay my head down at the end of my time here and know that I lived well, that I lived the crap out of my life.

So that's what I'm going to do.

favorites

A comprehensive list of the things I like most. 

1. Sleeping without socks on 

2. Eating raw cookie dough right after it's made

3. Taking clean, precise, organized notes in pen 

4. Early morning workouts followed by a good meal and a nap

5. Boy clothes

6. Chipotle (chipotle is my liiiiffeeee)

7. Making people genuinely laugh without being crude or mean

8. Pumpkin chocolate chip muffins for breakfast, lunch, and dinner 

9. Church in the morning so I have time to take a nap before I go to bed

10. Getting a new PR

11. Hard core jam sessions in the car by myself

12. Warm laundry

13. When there are parking spots open close to the front of the row at walmart

14. Discovering new songs before they're popular

15. Finishing a really good book

16. Watching any sport

17. Cuddling

18. Sweating like a man

19. The sound a soccer ball makes when it hits the net and glides all the way down it

20. People to share my favorite things with

** SQUAD **

work hard play hard.....work hard some more

College is hard. 

It's a freaking full time job.

And please realize I'm saying this while I'm NOT in season.

An average weekday in the life of Sierra goes a little something like this......

 5:45 wake up

7 class

8 class

9 class

 10 class

11 class

12 lunch

1 library

2 library

3 library 

4 library 

4:30 early dinner

5;30 weights

6:30 snack

7 soccer

8 soccer

9 soccer

10 library 

11 library

12 shower and bed

I somehow have time to hang out with my friends in there too. 

But true confessions.... sometimes I don't get to bed until like 3 or 3:30 with class at 7. BAD. But I just can't help it sometimes! And sometimes I'm just so dang tired that I knock out at like 11:15 before I have a chance to set my alarm, and I end up sleeping through my first two classes (thank you Al for coming to wake me up).

**This was the first day of classes in the bookstore buying all the textbooks I would need for the semester. I got so many crazy looks haha. I ended up spending over 600 dollars on these babies.... ouch**

**Pretty much the only time I hang out with this kid is in the library or at some soccer thing.**

**Study breaks consist of instagram, pinterest, and snapchat.... every 5 minutes..... Heaven help us all..... social media is too distracting!!!**

**This is a look of pure sarcasm mixed with some crazy eyes... Studying for biology is the worst.**

**And when you just can't carry on any longer... Poor Gregg fell asleep with his hands on the keyboard and mouse mid scroll. I feel you kid, I feel you.**

**And sometimes, when I get really sick of homework, I give up and just watch the baseball team on line instead. Trust me.... baseball pants are a lot more interesting than prokaryote conjugation.**

School is hard.

And some days, some weeks I just feel like I'm going to drown.

But you wanna know a little secret?

I like it this way.

One of my favorite things ever is the feeling I get when I accomplish something. 

SATISFACTION OF A JOB WELL DONE.

I love being busy because I love filling my life with good things. I love having a structured schedule and I love pushing myself to great capacities. Accomplishing things and checking stuff off my list is the best thing ever.

So call me crazy...... I dare you...... School is hard.......... But it's perfect for me.

ps.... I wrote this blog in class

we are insane

REALLY late nights, cuddling in one bed, irrationality about every boy on the face of the planet, spontaneous trips to Roanoke just for Chipotle, sassy jokes and even sassier comebacks, online quizzes, dance parties, procrastinating homework, photo shoots, funny pinterest and instagram tags, group hugs, screaming and talking as loud and obnoxiously as we can, texting at the most inappropriate times when we're sitting right next to each other, Facebook stalking, revenge plotting, missionary loving, pillow punching, bug squishing, girly tomboys. 

Yep that's us. 

We are INSANE.

soccer is life

COLLEGE SOCCER IS WHERE ITS AT

 I love soccer more than life itself 99.9% of the time. Finally getting to practice and play with people that were on the same level as myself was amazing. I'll always remember that first practice. I was so nervous but soooo excited at the same time! It just felt so good to be out on that field. I knew right from the start that I had found my home.

THE FIRST GAME OF THE SEASON IS SOMETHING I WILL NEVER FORGET.

Coach types up the starting lineup and posts it outside his office. I had butterflies on my way to go check that baby out. Was I going to be a stater? That's all I wanted. I wanted to start as a freshman and have a strong impact on this team on the field right away. Well one of my dreams came true as I found my name on the starting lineup!!!! Holding center mid baby. That is MY spot. I was there with a few other teammates and as when I saw what was on the list I just let out a huge sigh (of relief) and turned to everyone there and said.. "I just love soccer" They all just laughed haha. That first game was unlike anything I had ever experienced. Part of my brain was like what the heck are you doing out here, you don't know how to play soccer, this is crazy! And then the other half of my brain was telling me to calm the heck down, just do what you know how to do, you are more than prepared for this, you are a soccer all star!! I played the entire game. SAY WAAATTTT??? By the end of the match I was dead. Completely exhausted. But soooooo soooooo happy. 

**squint to see my cute little name on this cute little list**

College soccer is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me haha. I really just can't explain how much I love it!! There are no words to describe the feeling it gives me. I just love it THAT much. I learned so much this season as well. It pays to have a coach who cares as much as I do and who knows what he's talking about. I've grown as a player in so many ways. I'm more confident with the ball at my feet and my mental game has improved as well. (which is huge... soccer is a game for smart people). Seriously you guys. I just love it soo much!

When the season ended I was literally depressed for like a week. I didn't know what to do with myself and all the free time I had. It was also weird staying up later than 10:30 haha. #athleteprobs

Traveling with the team was so fun. We partied on those holidy bused like no one's business. (aka I passed out after 5 minutes). And teams who snuggle together stay together. We had team dinners and team devotionals. Supported the men's team together and represented our team at all school functions. We were basically the coolest on campus. No lie no lie.

 (we also had the most swag of all the athletic teams in the school. it's fine)

This season consisted of.......

**the six of us super stars all had biology at 7am this semester**

**because classes started while we were still in preseason, we obviously had practice at the crack of dawn. this was the first day of school post practice glam shot we had to take to send to all our moms**

**training room antics**

**CHEAAADD?!?!?!**

**two of my favorite things**

**soccer and sunsets**

**gettin fierce for pregame**

**our first game as college athletes**

**team dinners are always a good time haha**

**ice baths are life**

**travelling with Brig and Cam**

**hotel cuddle puddles**

**I have the best teammates. I felt so sick after this game and they came and laid by me just to keep me company**

**more ice baths**

**more bus rides**

**everything is a competition with the men's team. Especially when it comes to choosing the movie on the bus**

**oh hey Jam**

**we ran that hotel**

**we slept together haha**

**I spent a lot of time in the training room. Gotta love sore muscles**

**my picture made it on the school athletic page!**

**we all dressed up for a halloween practice**

**weights are awesome and so are dirty hands from flipping tires**

**we out here**

**we chest bump before kick off every time**

**just doin my thang**

**this is what I love**

My first college soccer season has been everything I could have asked for and more. I love my team, I love this school, and I LOVE THIS SPORT!!!